I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
