i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
