I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
