Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
