I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
