I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
