is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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