He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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