Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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