What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
