If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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