Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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