wat bout pragnant strippers??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Found the puke drawer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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