Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
