My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
