I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
