Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
