she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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