Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
