I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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