I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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