Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize