you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
