I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
