M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.