here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.