take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was born a porn star she said
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday