I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.