I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.