can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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