Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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