Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
