I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
