WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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