She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
