You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
