I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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