Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
