I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
