matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
