I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
