omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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