she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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