I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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