Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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