It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
soo... how was my night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
