i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize