He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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