Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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