3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize