she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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