He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
