Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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