the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
