saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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