He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
