Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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