Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
