Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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