also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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