She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
