More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
