I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
