Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
