Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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