Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
