Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
