She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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