So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
