Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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