literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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