Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
