my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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