That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
