From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
