the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
