Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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