k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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