Your tits are I can't wait for
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
