just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
FUCK WHALES
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