I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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