Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
