As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
