We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
