TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
