I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
