One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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