she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
